Are you a people fixer stop fixing others

In this article you will learn the following

-4 reasons why we try to fix problems of others

-29 Signs of people-fixers

-14 reasons why being a fixer is self-harming & self-sabotaging

-50+ tips on How to get out of fixer mindset

Are you a people-fixer

Do you try to fix things for people - do you try to solve problems of other people without their even asking you - do you try to change people.

These people can be anyone - your parent, your spouse, your children, your sibling, your neighbors, your juniors, your seniors, your social contacts and even the strangers.

This habits - simply put - causes unexplainable sufferings, pains, heart-breaks, breakups and many types of completely unnecessary and avoidable hardships on both ends.

How many of you can realize -that - how often you have overwhelmed those you love and care for most - with your attempts to fix their problems.

Although in maximum cases - your intent - is most positive and caring - yet the method used is the most detrimental for the person you love and care for.

For the best growth of the people you care and love - you need to wait in the wings and hold space for them to struggle, sort things out, and let them grow on their own.

If you have chosen to become a health-care or social-cause worker - because you want to minimize the sufferings and by adding positive value and making sustainable positive-difference - then this is definitely a healthy outlet for your need or wish to fix problems of others.

If you get into relationships where you feel that you partner needs fixing - it can become very toxic for your partner.

Because your partner may not want or need fixing - at least from you - and because of this - relationships are almost always doomed to fail.

In fact if you realize that you want to change or fix others - rather than accept them as they are - walk-away from this relationship immediately.

If you have grown-up in an environment of constant parental disapproval, rejection and physical and emotional abuse - you might start blaming yourself for getting abused.

As a result - in the adult life - you will start projecting your own dysfunctional-self onto others and will always find flaws - that needs fixing and can be done only by you.

The wish to fix others is codependence - it is about people who sacrifices their own needs while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.

People who are codependent often take on the role as a martyr - self-sacrifice for the needs of others is never a good thing.

Helping other people can become addictive - and people who have this addiction operates from the mindset of - whatever your ailment, problem or challenge - I have got a cure, a fix or a solution for you.

Later it acquires the form of destructive self-identity - and reshapes the definition of love - relentless string of sacrifice

A healthy caregiver nourishes their own needs to be the best version of themselves - in order to provide the best support for their loved ones.

4 reasons why we try to fix problems of others

• 1.We try to fix others problems - because we just can't see them suffering - but by fixing their problems - not only we are making them incapacitated but also killing their opportunity to become stronger, sharper and self-confident.
• 2.Many times we try to fix things for others - because we don't want to feel uncomfortable - and we try to fast-find the solution - so that we can go back to our comfort-zone and routine.
• 3.We also try to fix problems - from the sheer guilt, shame and embarrassment and also because we may feel that because someone is not doing well or struggling - there definitely is a problem with ourselves.
• 4.When we are scared of confronting our insecurities - we become people-fixer.

29 signs of a people-fixer

• 1.The people with the fixer-mindset - also called white-knight-syndrome - get attracted towards those they can rescue and who will be morally indebted to them.
• 2.People with a fixer mentality have a need to save and rescue others
• 3.They believe that they have the solution for and know how to solve everyone's problems
• 4.They often insist on patching something that isn't broken.
• 5.Many of them certainly have noble intentions - but they keep going overboard overextend in their eagerness to solve any problem.
• 6.They would do people favors and repair aspects in other people's life - which they don't need help with.
• 7.A person with a fixer mentality have a compelling need to fix anything they perceive as defective, damaged or dysfunctional
• 8.Fixers can also become impatient and might invariably turn out as control freaks and dictators
• 9.They have belief systems which is the only right-way and are unable to understand that there may be several different views opposite to their and right
• 10. They want to be a person - which everyone looks up to because they facilitate all kinds of resources
• 11. They could be the people who experienced abandonment, abuse or who lost their caregiver in the past
• 12. These people are very sensitive and emotionally vulnerable and need to feel useful
• 13. They are very self-critical and also devalue others with vengeance
• 14. They may not be happy with other's accomplishments, success and happiness
• 15. They feel comfortable with and help those who are insecure, sad, afraid and with low self-esteem
• 16. Many of the fixers are truly kind and compassionate - but they also need to feel needed people are people-fixers have an unaddressed dysfunction in their life
• 17. People fixers fail to understand, realize and accept - that why others don't see your their help as help
• 18. They don't understand the importance of personal boundaries.
• 19. Fixers blame themselves if they are unable to fix
• 20. Fixer takes responsibility for something that is not in their area of responsibility
• 21. A fixer can rarely say NO - to anything they believe they can fix
• 22. Fixers get too involved, too interfering and too controlling of others
• 23. Fixers think that they are responsible for other's happiness
• 24. A fixer doesn't just solve someone else's problem, they actually become the solution - and in turn problem for others
• 25. A fixer feel deeply responsible for other people's emotional stability, satisfaction, or happiness.
• 26. A fixer can't bear to watch a loved one experience discomfort — even if the uncomfortable circumstance is a natural consequence of their choices.
• 27. Fixers are quick to step in to solve problems or create solutions for people they care about
• 28. A fixer put other's needs before their own
• 29. But… caring about people's happiness and well-being doesn't automatically make you a fixer.

14 reasons why being a fixer is self-harming & self-sabotaging

• 1. Because no one can anyone - being fixer - make you set yourself up for hurts, disappointments and disillusions
• 2.Trying to fix others takes up hell of a lot of time, efforts, resources as well as mental, physical and emotional energy
• 3.As an adult we must learn to take responsibility for our own choices and actions - but if you're constantly taking responsibility on behalf of another person to shield them from the negative consequences - you kill their motivation to change
• 4.As a people's problem-fixer - you may think you are helping others - the truth is you might actually be harming these people you're not helping their situation.
• 5.Fixers are confused and don't understand the difference between healing and fixing
• 6.All of us should others - by providing a safe space, by listening mindfully, by coaching and guiding - but that is the limit of what you can do for others
• 7.Fixers try to change the person, their environment and their luck - all of which is beyond anyone's area pf power, influence and control
• 8.Fixers instead of working on healing themselves - start healing others
• 9.Fixers always need to find a solution
• 10. Fixers make excessive personal sacrifices
• 11. Fixers think you're the only one who can help
• 12. Fixers help for the wrong reasons
• 13. Fixers try to help others - when you feel unable to manage the struggles and problems in your life or you are yet get rid of your past baggage - which consists of unresolved trauma, hurt, guilt, regret, shame etc.
• 14. Fixers don't want to see people they care about experience problems or painful consequences - so they take on the pain and frustration of the problem as their own

50+ tips on How to get out of fixer mindset

• 1.Understand that trying to solve other's problems uninvited - is not only a habit that is toxic for you as well to all those you love and care for most
• 2.Do some self-exploration - ask yourself these 7 questions and answer them honestly
• I.When you are not helping others - do you feel anxious or aimless
• II.Do you offer unsolicited advice to others - even in casual social settings
• III.Do you feel defensive or dismissive when you learn that the people you helped have found another person's advice more helpful
• IV.Do you imagine helping others with life-changing advice could be vital to their success
• V.Do You feel insecure when someone you are helping questions your motives
• VI.Do you expect praise and acknowledgement for your help
• VII.Do You feel as if you have made a sacrifice - after helping someone for a long period
• 3.You need to commit to being an equal partner -and not a savior.
• 4.Become a great coach - who work on the premise - to help build the ability when to the level when you won't be needed as coach - anymore
• 5.Ask these questions to identify and understand your own motives
• I.Are you fixing their problem to solve your own emotional distress over their life choices
• II.Is your desire to help motivated by feelings of guilt, shame, or concerns of what other people might think
• III.Do you need to be the hero or savior on order to feel valued
• IV.Are you feeling responsible for things you have no control over, like other people's choices or emotions?
• V.Are you taking responsibility for the things you do control, like your actions, thought patterns, and responses?
• VI.Think like great leaders - who never try to fix others because - it rarely works, it pushes people away and because they come across as controlling-freaks
• VII.Ask yourself these questions -if you're the person who always wants to fix everyone's problems
• VIII.Have you applied the suggestions and solution that you are giving others - in your own life
• IX.If you are the recipient ofthe same treatment - like how you are behaving with others - how it would make you feel
• X.Would you feel loved, supported, cared and encouraged - if someone gives the same solutions that you are giving others
• XI.Are you facing the same problems in your own very life that you are unable to solve yourself yet giving advice to others
• XII.Are you trying to make better - without accepting, loving or appreciating them for who they really are
• XIII.Are you really responsible to correct what is wrong in their lives - who should take the responsibility
• XIV.Are you trying to help others - just because it makes you happy - you do not need other people to be happy for you to be happy - if this is the reason find ways to be happy by yourself
• XV.Have you become god - who has to decide who needs to be fixed and not. From your perspective, "good" and "bad" may seem like objective truths, but that is a sore illusion
• 6.You need to pursue a process of unlearning through self-reflection, understanding-self objectively as well as seek help of experts and matured well-wishers
• 7.Become a good listener - by actually listening
• 8.Accept that people vent-out because they want to be heard - so nod, ask questions to deepen your understanding that is it
• 9.Be there , offer support - stop giving advice and solutions
• 10. Simply ask if they need help - usually when people need help, they'll ask you for it. But if they're too shy or stubborn or proud, then instead of just giving your unsolicited opinion, ask them, "can i do anything to help
• 11. Ask yourself why you feel so obsessed to help them - be honest and courageous to face what you hear yourself say
• 12. Create boundaries - as to how much you would help and whom
• 13. Stop going exhausted trying to fix other's problems
• 14. Understand that you don't have the power and intelligence and insight to fix everything
• 15. Accept that you cannot fix everything even in your own life - fixes and correcting others is impossible
• 16. Understand that even if you care about someone - you can't prevent them experiencing tough times - forever
• 17. Your happiness and unhappiness depend on your own actions
• 18. Learn to live with uncertainty , unknown and disruptions
• 19. Become flexible cognitively - learn to change how you think about a problem plus let go of solutions that aren't working
• 20. To increase your cognitive flexibility, you can ask yourself two questions: what you are doing and how effective has it been
• 21. Set boundaries what you read, watch and associate with
• 22. Focus on tasks which are within your area of control
• 23. Understand the damage it is causing in your - like -burnout, disrupted relationships,sense of failure, unwanted mood symptoms, resentment or anger toward people who don't want your help, frustration with yourself and others, a sense of losing control
• 24. Listen instead of act
• 25. Offer assistance in low-pressure ways
• 26. It's best to avoid stepping in until someone asks for help. There's nothing wrong with wanting loved ones to know you're there for them.
• 27. Instead of taking control of the situation or pressuring them to accept your help, try putting the ball in their court with phrases like - let me know if you need help- I am here if you need me
• 28. If they do ask, follow their guidance (or ask what you can do) instead of assuming you know what's best.
• 29. Understand everyone faces distress time to time - and all the time you can'tdo anything - this is part of life - yours as well as theirs
• 30. Other people's problems— their problems - of course, you can help them - you also have to remember that you are not responsible for their choices.
• 31. Someone might not have all the answers right away - and that's ok - they are still the best judge of what's right for them.
• 32. Talk to a therapist
• 33. Let others outshine yourself
• 34. Start empowering others - stop cultivating dependency only makes the other person weaker, even if it temporarily makes you feel powerful.
• 35. Stop helping everyone - it is pointless
• 36. Identify the right causes and stop helping for the wrong reasons
• 37. Put on your own oxygen mask first - otherwise you can hurt more than you give
• 38. Spend more time improving yourself
• 39. Focus of your fulfillment
• 40. Manage your energy
• 41. Broaden your perspective and awareness
• 42. Be more selective with who you help - to free your time to meet a wider range of people.
• 43. Develop deeper meaningful relationships
• 44. Fix yourself first - it starts with you - treat yourself with extraordinary grace and compassion - understand that fixing yourself will be painful.
• 45. Surround yourself with healthy relationships
• 46. Stop trying to fix everything in your relationship - stop assuming - ask questions to clarify - set and enforce boundaries - respect other's boundaries
• 47. Understand that trying to solve other people's problems through the following methods - often makes things worse, not better
• I.Nagging and giving unwanted advice leads to more stress, conflict, and negatively impacts relationships.
• II.When we assume that we know what's best - we act condescending.
• III.Making decisions for others takes away their autonomy and their opportunity to learn and grow.
• IV.We become frustrated and resentful that our efforts to solve other people's problems don't work and that they aren't appreciated.
• V.We get distracted from solving our own problems. For some reason, fixing other people always seems easier than fixing ourselves
• 48. Ask these questions before you attempt to solve someone's problems
• I.Is this my problem or is it someone else's problem that's affecting me
• II.Is this a problem You can really fix or change
• III.Is changing this person or situation your sole focus and motivation
• IV.How can you redefine the problem so that you are focusing on what's in your control
• V.Did they ask for your help or ideas
• VI.Are you forcing my solutions and ideas onto someone?
• VII.Am you enabling and empowering or just pushing your desires on someone
• VIII.Why in the hell you are trying to solve this problem - what is in it for you
• IX.Is this actually an attempt to manage your own fears - what are the other ways to deal with this uncertainty and feeling out of control