Creating the most wonderful relationship with yourself

Creating the most wonderful relationship with yourself

Quality of relationship with self and quality of life - the importance of having a healthy relationship with yourself

In this article we will learn

-15 Damaging effects of lack of self-love and of ensuing low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence - on us

-9 areas where our having great relationship with ourselves is a must - for fulfilling outcomes in these areas

-6 Factors which impacts and affect our relationship with self and on our self-esteem, self-worth, self-acceptance, self-proud etc.

-8 Benefits of having Healthy self-love

-70+ tips on how to build wonderful intimate relationship with your own-self - few rituals to create and few non-negotiable-commandment to follow

- 16 steps to celebrate being yourself - everyday

- 12 Confidence boosting methods

In this today's world of AFTER-CORONA[AC] - when we are still living in the emotional, physical, mental and social mind-frame of BEFORE-CORONA[BC]- the need to have the very best relationship with self-have become absolutely mandatory for each one of us.

This has become even more critical - for the people affected by job-loss, strained-relationships, erosion of savings and loss of business etc. - in this VUCA [volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous] environment.

9 areas where our having great relationship with ourselves is a must - for fulfilling quality of life in these areas

• 1.Our quality and closeness of our relationship with our most near and dear ones
• 2.Our quality of success
• 3.Our quality and quantity of happiness
• 4.Our quality and quantity peacefulness and calmness
• 5.Our having less baggage
• 6.Our living a fulfilled-life
• 7.Our living our life to the fullest
• 8.Our appreciating and recognizing the blessings that we have
• 9.Our realizing all the opportunities we come across through overcoming major obstacles

The relationship we have with ourselves - sets the tone for every important relationship that we have with others as well as our successes, our growth and our happiness.

6 Factors which impacts and affect our relationship with self and on our self-esteem, self-worth, self-acceptance, self-proud etc.

• 1.Your thoughts and perceptions
• 2.How other people react to you
• 3.Your experiences and its interpretations by our subconscious - at our home, at the school, in our work place and through our social interactions
• 4.The authority figures who influenced you and had power over you - during our growing up years
• 5.Significant emotional events - like parental breakup, death of loved one and abuse plus violence during growing up years
• 6.Illness, disability or injury

Even in the healthiest relationship – our self-image is somewhat dependent on our partner.

But in unhealthy relationships where our partner is not supportive - our insecurities, perceived-failures and flaws - harms us in a catastrophic manner.

If you had relationships which generally gave you strong positive feedbacks - you would have healthier self-esteem and see yourself as worthwhile and as a consequence will have wonderful relationship with self.

On the other hand - if you received feedback which was negative and were often criticized, insulted or belittled by others - you're more likely to struggle with poor self-esteem - and you will see yourself as weak person.

Healthy self-love is totally non-negotiable.

8 Benefits of having Healthy self-love

• 1.You will be assertive in expressing your needs and opinions
• 2.You would be able to claim your right
• 3.You will have confidence in your ability to make decisions
• 4.You would generally form secure and intimate relationships and are less likely to stay in unhealthy relationships
• 5.You would have realistic in your expectations
• 6.You will not be overcritical of yourself and others
• 7.You will have deeper inner resilient and will deal with stress, challenges and setbacks more effectively
• 8.You will also bounce back faster

15 Damaging effects of lack of self-love and of ensuing low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence - on us

1.You may avoid social interactions and hide yourself away from the people who are either strangers or whom you don't know well
2.You will try to avoid failures and making mistakes - by no taking risks
3.You will seldom try new things and experiment for fear of looking foolish
4.You would avoid challenging situations and difficult people
5.You will operate from your safe comfort zone - in the short term, avoiding challenging and difficult situations and people might make you feel safe - but in long-term it is most harmful as it reinforces your underlying anxieties, doubts and fears
6.You may hate yourself
7.You will become obsessed with being perfect - Perfectionism being one of the more destructive aspects of low self-esteem
8.You will hate your body, your looks, your speech - almost everything about yourself
9.You will constantly compare yourself to others - comparison joy-thief
10. You will your ability - and a deep-rooted sense of worthlessness would make you believe that you are not as valuable as others
11. You will become oversensitive - and take everything personally especially those which does not have this meaning at all
12. You will operate out of fear, doubt and anxiety
13. You will often feel angry - without any reasons
14. You will become a people pleaser
15. You will start living a life trying to satisfy others and gain their approval and validation

Self-love makes us aware of our choices, our wants, our desires, our needs, our behaviors, our reactions and our impulses.

Our self-love empowers us to know, understand and care for ourselves more effectively.

The more we understand and care for ourselves the more meaningful and deeper connections we will have in our relationships with others.

But at times we can be our own worst enemy - our own worst critics - when we judge ourselves negatively and undeservedly.

When we suffer trauma through abuse, especially abuse that continues in one form or another then our brain gets conditioned to expect things to go wrong – all the time.

Which makes us feel as if things are out of our control even now -just as they were when the original trauma took place and as a result there-of we remain in a permanently traumatized state.

Because of this we lose connect with ourselves and we feel totally powerless and helpless – later it gets part of our nature to play victim and use tantrums to keep ourselves in that pitying emotional state.

Many times, people develop psychological dis-orders in such a way that to regain their feeling of control - they resort to traumatizing others through passive-aggression and many other forms of subtle emotional-abuse.

Then these people kind of become unable to feel self-love because of the continuous internal self-criticism, negative-self-talk, shame, guilt, regret etc. – they fight to remain in this familiar and comfortable.

Many of this type of people – when they get into a relationship where their partner is very supportive and caring – they make constant efforts to kill and kick that person out of their life [many times this could be because of subconscious wiring getting short-circuited].

We lose track of who we really are – and start feeling ashamed of our core-self - which is the biggest lie.

When our self-love is down at bottommost – and we are comfortable with abusing ourselves – then we also become adept in abusing others especially the ones who love us deeply and care for us sincerely.

Self-love plays a huge role in our relationships with others. Whether it be romantic relationships, or friendships - the way we treat ourselves will always be reflected in the quality of our relationships.

You can't depend on other people to make you feel loved - every relationship has to be a partnership.
When we are happy and content on the inside no matter what is taking place in our external world - we bring our best selves to our relationships with others.

Because - we attract people at the same vibrational level at which we love ourselves, if we feel inadequate, incomplete, broken or emotionally-immature we will end up attracting people who too have similar or worse issues.

On the other hand - if you have overflowing positive-vibes – you will be able to attract someone who is also whole – otherwise you may attract but may not be able to retain or kill that relationship and person emotionally at least.

Self-love is the most difficult love to create and sustain - if you are trying to build it up from low self-worth state.

Throughout this article - whenever I have used the word Self-Love - it is healthy self-pride, healthy self-love AND not narcissistic type of self-love

70+ tips on how to build wonderful intimate relationship with your own-self - Create few rituals and follow them as non-negotiable-commandment
1.Wake-up little early
2.Sit in the nature
3.Relax with tea, coffee, lemon-honey-water – whatever is your pleasure
4.Think about one good thing that you have identified in yourself
5.Mediate visualizing your future
6.Do exercise, yoga, deep-breathing, stretching
7.Be kind- be gentle- be compassionate to yourself
8.16 steps to celebrate being yourself - everyday
I.How many ways you can discover your talents and use them to add value
II.How can you be your own best friend
III.Identify -how will you treat yourself today
IV.Identify which of people in your circle
V.Which person you will interact with
VI.Who makes you feel come-alive
VII.Who makes you feel great about yourself
VIII.Who you will connect with
IX.Which toxic people you will get rid of - from your life
X.Who will you forgive today
XI.How will you treat and honor your body with healthy foods today and in this week
XII.Identifying why you are a wonderful person - list as many qualities and reasons that you can come up with plus keep adding
XIII.Identify at least one new aspect about yourself that increases your respect about yourself and makes you feel worthy
XIV.Identify and set intention, tone and goal of – how you like to feel about yourself
XV.What type of people you would love to have in your life
XVI.What type of life you want to lead
9.Adopt an attitude of curiosity and acceptance
10. Create a personal crisis plan- sometimes life deals us a really bad hand, or we make a decision which we regret and hate ourselves for
11. Involve and engage yourself in meaningful and worthy projects, tasks and activities
12. Work is important and not everyone have a job they love -but it is important to find ways to make it meaningful
13. Likewise - our life outside of our work, career and professional areas like hobbies, recreation, relationships and volunteer activities - have to be meaningful and confidence boosting.
14. Infuse curiosity in your own mind to make it a source of great fascination and entertainment.
15. Create good habits -start your day in such a way that you increase the likelihood of having a day which supports your self-relationship goals
16. No one can make you happy the way you can make yourself happy
17. You also need to open-up your communications with others to and share how you want to be treated and treat them likewise
18. 12 Confidence boosting methods
I.Have fun
II.Do something you're good at
III.Do something that makes you feel good doing
IV.Push yourself in the areas that you feel limits you - take actions in the areas that create fear in you after safeguarding yourself
V.Challenge yourself to go beyond your current abilities
VI.Do things that you are scared-of
VII.Give back more than you receive to make you feel wonderful
VIII.Value yourself
IX.Stop blaming others as well as yourself
X.Stop giving or making excuse
XI.Stop playing victim
XII.Start facing the truth and reality and facts
19. Take responsibility for
I.Resolving conflict
II.Nurturing relationship
III.Building the bridges again
IV.For living a life the way you want to live life
V.All your decisions, actions and consequences
20. Try to understand others - try to give benefit of doubt – till you have clarified and verified
21. Associate positive meanings with people if you love them - meanings have energy
22. Set healthy boundaries with everyone around you
23. Practice assertiveness
24. Practice saying no to other's demands and pressures
25. Allow yourself to fail
26. Help other - volunteer
27. Experiment - do something new - fail with knowledge that as you are trying newer ways - even if you don't succeed - you will learn something new
28. Avoid social-media completely time to time
29. Stop comparing yourself with others around you - especially based on their social-media postings
30. Understand that caring for yourself is not self-indulgence - it is self-preservation
31. Express and talk about your feelings openly
32. Become vulnerable - talking about your feelings can help you stay in good mental health and deal with times when you feel troubled
33. Keep active - Exercise
34. Eat well, drink sensibly, sleep-well
35. Keep in touch socially with people who uplift you
36. Ask for help without shame
37. Take break regularly – go to the mountains, sea-side
38. Identify all your weaknesses, flaws, regrets, mistakes-made, shameful-incidences etc. Plus all your positives and good qualities and strengths – then accept who you are – totally and unconditionally
39. Understand that - mental wellbeing does not mean being happy all the time - and it also does not mean that you won't experience negative or painful emotions, such as grief, loss or failure - which are a part of normal life
40. Face your fears – identify what makes you afraid, anxious, scared - then go ahead and do it
41. Know when to seek and call for help
42. Learn how you can help yourself in positive manner
43. Practice mindfulness – by practicing these 6 things everyday
I.Mindful breathing
II.Mindful scanning and feeling good about your body and emotions
III.Mindful walking
IV.Mindful eating
V.Mindful listening
VI.Mindful observing
44. Practice being grateful for your body
45. Let go of your inner perfectionist
46. Let go of judging others as well as yourself

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