Dealing with your grief and helping others cope with theirs

In this article you will learn the following

-5 situations/occurrences where the intensity and pain of the grief would be of levels almost equal to the impact of losing a loved one through death

-42 tips on How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving

-30+ tips on Coping with Grief and Loss when you are yourself grieving

-18 stages of grief-cycle that people go through - some of these run concurrently BUT please also understand that the following is never a neat-sequence and will have to happen in this order for everyone-every time - THERE are some people who overcome their grief without many of the stages mentioned here

-10 Myths on Grief and grieving which are considered truth

-8 symptoms of complicated grief

-6 signs - if you or your care-giver needs to reach out for professional help

-10 Helpline Numbers in India - in case You Need the Help of Mental Health professional for yourself or others

Corona 2nd wave - has made grief - unnaturally- fearfully-chillingly-paralyzingly - REAL for many-many people in INDIA.

Losing a loved one doesn't just disrupt a person's life— many times it changes it forever unimaginably.

Grief can create most drastic and long-lasting changes in people - it can completely transform a person's personality in most unimaginable ways.

Because of grief a person with energetic-positive disposition - can become irritating and highly toxic - whereas people who were go-getters just give-up on their life and their hopes.

For some people - their grief lasts lifetime - although it should not.

Some people live with their grief without making their loved-ones or anyone close suffer.

There are also people who had traumatic-past and were hurt badly emotionally - yet they make life hell for people closest to them - because they are still holding and nurturing the pain and the hurt - long after the cause has been removed.

Grief is our natural subconscious response to loss.

Grief no single emotion - but many roller-coaster set of emotional feeling that you feel - when something or someone- is taken away [you love and are attached and dependent on] - many times this pain of loss can feel overwhelming.

The more powerful your attachment with the person or the loss - the more intense your grief will be.

Coping with the loss of someone or something you love can be one of the life's biggest challenges.

Grief's negative effects becomes catastrophic and increases exponentially in magnitude - if the loss is of a person- who was the sole-earning member.

As per the strange law of nature - this losing the bread-winner happens more often than not - at least I have seen this case in every calamity for hundreds of thousands people in India.

5 situations/occurrences where the intensity and pain of the grief would be of levels almost equal to the impact of losing a loved one through death

• 1.Relationship break-up or divorce - when you happen to be attached too-much with your partner so much so that you have made this your happiness and satisfaction dependent on him/her
• 2.Sudden diagnosis of a terminal-illness of yours or someone's you love and are attached-with too much
• 3.Losing a job suddenly - when you are least prepared and there are people depending on you financially and otherwise
• 4.Experiencing physical abuse like molestations, assault and violence
• 5.Sudden financial ruination due to - say - long-hospitalization or your losing your nest - like I lost my life's savings through Franklin-Templeton just because they arbitrarily choose to close 6 DEBT-schemes [my advisor fraudulently put it in these schemes - spite of my explicit instructions to the contrary]

42 tips on How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving

• 1.Talk about everyday thing - they may be wanting to have normal conversations - as most people who are grieving - have too much of sympathy and false-hopes and insincere support - Help them take a break - be that unique special who brings a relief to their listening-to and bearing-with people who are well-meaning YET insensitive
• 2.Be yourself and be natural - It's natural to struggle-with finding the right words [this will happen especially if you have not yet gone through the loss of a loved one yourself]
• 3.No matter how unsure you may feel about the support you are offering - what matters most is that you are genuinely concerned and want to help -The bereaved person will likely appreciate your sincere efforts to be supportive
• 4.If you're not sure how to help - just ask
• 5.Please don't use clichés - this is so irritating - at least I feel it very irritating to hear people say - like - "It is all God's will", "his/her time had come" or this is as per the law of God's kingdom or even that "he/she is free of all the pains" or that "he/she is in better place" or that "At least he/she is no longer suffering" or "Look at what you have to be thankful for."
• 6.Be a good listener - just listen - yes if you know - you can ask questions which would make that person think and respond
• 7.Let them talk about their feelings
• 8.Please understand that no one can remove the pain of their loss but you can provide a great deal of comfort just by being around to listen
• 9.Also understand that everyone grieves in their own way - and their grief-cycle is also as different as the people themselves - of-course the loss causes sadness is the common element
• 10. The quantum of someone's pain - depends on the type of attachment and emotional-dependence this person had with the departed one - the more attached someone is - the more impact and grief and sadness will be there
• 11. Understand that it is natural for the grieving person to have emotional mood-swings of extreme nature initially closer to the event causing grief
• 12. Never try to fast-solve through giving advice and well-meaning suggestions - especially of the genre of what that person should or shouldn't do - because it is never helpful and the only thing it does to make grieving person feel even worse and inadequate
• 13. Don't use - these covertly painful statements like -you should have done that or that if I was you - I would…..
• 14. If you can empathize correctly then do that - sympathy is the worst way to show you care
• 15. Find out what important tasks - they are supposed to do but unable to and help out with those - like grocery shopping, preparing meals, making phone calls, doing laundry, babysitting
• 16. Avoid lip-service like - if there is anything I can do to help - please let me know [without actually going to honor them]
• 17. Just be around the person grieving - it is perfectly alright if he or she is not ready to talk with you - they need time to heal - so be patient - by letting them know you are there for them AND be there actually
• 18. Don't talk too much - remember - your talking most of the time - may push that person further into a cocoon - your goal is to make that person open-up and share and vent whatever they are going through
• 19. If there are gaps during conversations - never ever jump to fill the gap with mindless chatter - it does not distract on the contrary it may be more tortuous for the grieving person
• 20. Tell them what all can you do - and what you are unable to - straight-forward - they would appreciate this candor of yours
• 21. Never try to make the grieving person go for religious or cult-rituals or program - that is the worst solution - as none of the cult has any solution - except exploiting the already suffering ones
• 22. Never try to show that you suffered a bigger loss or grief than theirs - it is so insensitive
• 23. Never ever say - now that this person is no-more - You will fill in his/her role
• 24. Have conversations or share events and stories which involves the deceased - Share positive memories of their loved one
• 25. Do not try to avoid talking about the dead person - acknowledge the death
• 26. Let the bereaved share anything he/she wants to - as recalling and remembering is part of the healing
• 27. Even the mental-healthcare-professional too need - the same support like others - grief affects everyone who cares
• 28. Let them know it's OK to not feel OK
• 29. Continuing to randomly (or regularly) check in with the person
• 30. Remember that the person grieving swings between despair and hope
• 31. If it works - involve them in something that makes their mind focused on something which is different
• 32. Don't tag grieving relatives in photos of the dead online.
• 33. Don't put a positive spin on what they're saying - just acknowledge
• 34. Don't compare it to your experience, unless it really is a fitting comparison
• 35. Don't say anything to diminish their pain
• 36. Don't cross the street to avoid talking to them - they will notice it and it will pain them more - especially you feel it difficult to talk with them for your personal reasons
• 37. Don't wait for them to ask you - just reach out.
• 38. Find your own way to express your love and care
• 39. Be sensitive linguistically - choose the words carefully
• 40. Let the bereaved talk about how their loved one died - ask how their loved one feels
• 41. Continue your support over the long haul
• 42. Offer extra support on special days - like any anniversary - where they are likely to have more disturbing emotions

30+ tips on Coping with Grief and Loss when you are yourself grieving

• 1.18 stages of grief-cycle that people go through - some of these run concurrently BUT please also understand that the following is never a neat-sequence and will have to happen in this order for everyone-every time - THERE are some people who overcome their grief without many of the stages mentioned here
• I.Shock
• II.Disbelief
• III.Denial
• IV.Worries, panic-attacks and fears
• V.Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and insecurities
• VI.Feelings of absolute loneliness and being left-alone
• VII.Anger - lashing out
• VIII.Bargaining - with God or a higher power that you'll do anything they ask if they'll only grant you relief from these feelings
• IX.Intense Pain
• X.Regrets - especially if you wanted to day something or do something which you could not
• XI.Guilt - especially if you have some unmet need with that person
• XII.Depression causing you to isolate and become a recluse [In some case falling into the abyss of psychologically untreatable state]
• XIII.After these very painful experiences - your body's defense-mechanism will start the repair process through
• XIV.Creating and getting back into a new-routine and healthy positive-rituals
• XV.Putting the pieces of your life back togetherand starting to take responsibilities
• XVI.Acceptance
• XVII.Hope for the possibilities for your future
• XVIII.Pro-active actions to rebuild and move towards a new-future and new life and moving on
• XIX.Remembering the loved-departed one with - fond-memories - if you had this type of experiences associated with this person
• XX.Please understand that there is no right or wrong way to grieve - but there are healthy ways to deal with the grieving process
• 2.10 Myths on Grief and grieving which are considered truth
• I.In order to move on with your life, you need to forget about your loss.
• II.If you don't shed tears or frequently feel sad you need treatment as you are not processing your grief in the-correct way.
• III.Women grieve more than men because they are more emotional - the fact is whoever is more attached - will grieve more
• IV.Forgiving and forgetting is same thing
• V.You can't move-on unless - you are able to forget your grief and loss completely
• VI.If you are unable to feel grief - you don't love him/her
• VII.Feeling grief is essential part of grieving - as not feeling-grief makes you abnormally inhuman -[grief is not an emotion - but - it is the complete experience our subconscious goes through when we face a devastating or significant emotional-event - and this will includes all 18+ emotions as mentioned in the grief-cycle]
• VIII.Even if you move-on - the feelings of your earlier attachment would still be there powerfully
• IX.Your grief has to be very intense and lasting for long
• X.You can ignore the grief and you would be alright - actually running-away from feeling negative fills you with fear of negative emotions - which would be catastrophic later for you and because of you for your loved-ones]
• 3.Symptoms of grief may include - Fatigue, dizziness, intense Aches and pains, insomnia or over-sleeping and drastic change in your eating-patterns
• 4.Turn to friends and family members. Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient.
• 5.Accept that many people feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who's grieving -grief can be a confusing, sometimes frightening emotion for many people, especially if they haven't experienced a similar loss themselves.
• 6.They may feel unsure about how to comfort you and end up saying or doing the wrong things. But don't use that as an excuse to retreat into your shell and avoid social contact. If a friend or loved one reaches out to you, it's because they care.
• 7.Draw comfort from your faith if you are a believer - only if you feel like involve yourself in activities that are meaningful to you—such as praying, meditating, or going to church
• 8.Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way - if it is possible for you at that time - Write about your loss in a journal - If you've lost a loved one, write a letter saying the things you never got to say
• 9.Identify all those events that can trigger your grief and might put you in relapse mode of grief and if possible Plan ahead for all those Anniversaries, holidays, and miles tones can reawaken memories and feelings.
• 10. Anticipate emotional-turbulence and anticipate it with the understanding and acceptance that it is completely normal.
• 11. Look after your physical health - in whatever way you can when you feel healthy physically - you will be able to cope emotionally better
• 12. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising.
• 13. Don't use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief to lift your mood - because these will take you into deeper gloom and despondency
• 14. In emotionally-heathy people with the passage of time difficult emotions become less intense and sadness becomes less-painful gradually - BUT - if your grief remains same or and does not get better - this could be an indication that your grief might have developed into a more serious problem
• 15. The sadness of losing someone you love never goes away completely - but say even after 10 months -if you still are in stage where smallest triggers - sets you into crying and very painful emotional-states and it is keeping you from starting to do what is essential could have mutated into complicated grief or If your loved one's death was because of sudden, violent or shockingly disturbing - it can turn into PTSD
• 16. 8 symptoms of complicated grief are
• I.Intense longing and yearning for your deceased loved one
• II.Intrusive thoughts or images of your loved one
• III.Denial of the death or sense of disbelief
• IV.Imagining that your loved one is alive
• V.Searching for your deceased loved one in familiar places
• VI.Avoiding things that remind you of your loved one
• VII.Extreme anger or bitterness over your loss
• VIII.Feeling that life is empty or meaningless
• 17. 6 signs- if You or your care-giver needs to reach out for professional help
• I.Feel like life isn't worth living
• II.Wish you had died with your loved one
• III.Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it
• IV.Feel numb and disconnected from others for more than a few weeks
• V.Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss
• VI.Are unable to perform your normal daily activities
• 18. Don't put time-limits on your grief
• 19. Resist comparing your grief to how other people coped with theirs
• 20. Know and grieve intentionally - Face-accept-feel all your disturbing-upsetting-turbulent-scary difficult emotions and their resulting pains by becoming aware of the intensity of the pain
• 21. Because - when you approach your grief willingly, it signals to your own mind that what you're experiencing is painful but not bad or dangerous.
• 22. Understand that just because you're grieving, doesn't mean you have to talk about your grief all the time - don't be under self-created pressure to be in the grieving mode all the time - if you feel like doing something - just go ahead
• 23. Accept that many of your memories with your loved one is of happiness - accept that It's okay to feel happy and even joyful at times during the grieving process
• 24. Allow yourself to feel angry and disappointed for the you have lost - this also alright
• 25. Feeling anxious-scared-afraid about your future - also is one of the emotions you are likely to feel
• 26. Acknowledge all what you feel - it is okay to feel anything when you're grieving
• 27. Avoid skipping meals. If you don't feel hungry, choose nutritious snacks and small meals of mood-boosting foods.
• 28. Share memories
• 29. Do something in their memory
• 30. Forgive them
• 31. Allow your loved ones to comfort you
• 32. Understand that Grieving is like breathing - you need to go through it to be alive and heal & that GOOD MENTAL HEALTH IMPROVES THE OVERALL QUALITY OF LIFE.
• 33. Seek help through the Helpline Numbers given below to get in touch with genuine-qualified-experienced-exposed Mental Health professionals

10 Helpline Numbers in India - in case You Need the Help of Mental Health professional for yourself or others

Please note VERY IMPORTANT

• I.Kindly understand that it is not a recommendation from us - these numbers are just given for you to initially get started on your search for a Mental Health professional
• II.Although most of the numbers given here are of known NGOs and other organizations
• III.Plus please google by the name of the helpline - for additional numbers and email ids - in case these numbers are for some reason not available or continuously come busy
• IV.Also google for numbers of helpline in your city - if the ones given here are unable to provide what you are looking for
• V.In case - doubt - seek other options
• VI.Before paying any amount - PLEASE VERIFY what all you are going to get - because the organizations are supposed to be philanthropic YET the individuals may not be
• VII.Connect-chat-send email-talk with these 10 ORGANIZATIONS
• 1.Tata Institute of Social Science - 9372048501, 9920241248, 8369799513- This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. - http://icallhelpline.org/
• 2.Fortis Exam Helpline - +918376804102
• 3.NIMHANS - 080 46110007
• 4.BMC-Mpower- 1800-120-820050 - This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. - http://mpower1on1.abet.co.in/
• 5.Ya'all - 6009032883 - This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. - http://www.yaall.org/
• 6.COOJ Mental Health Foundation - 0832-2252525 - This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. -https://cooj.co.in/
• 7.Samaritans Mumbai- This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. - +91 84229 84528, +91 84229 84529, +84229 84530 -http://www.samaritansmumbai.com/
• 8.Mansamvad- 18001800018

9. Wysa - https://www.wysa.io/ - Wysa: stress, sleep & mindfulness therapy chatbot - https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=bot.touchkin&hl=en_IN&gl=US

• 10. Covidav.com - This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. - https://covidav.com/ - https://consult.covidav.com/
• 11. https://nndcifoundation.org/complimentary-counseling/

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